Did you oversell and explain yourself...once again?
Then I want to talk to you about justification and shame and the correlation between the two.

I asked myself this after having a conversation with Jared, my fiance, regarding networking and selling.
He asked me how I had met one of the couples that showed up to a workshop we recently hosted.
I said, “I was walking the dog. Met them and we chatted for a bit, and then I invited them to the workshop.”
He said, "WOW and they came!?”
I replied, “Yeah! That’s the thing, I feel uncomfortable making offers and sometimes I am concerned that they will think... I’m selling them something and then someone gets excited and takes you up on your offer, they really enjoy the experience, and I’m reminded that this isn’t for nothing!”
He replied, “Wait you feel uncomfortable selling and making offers? You are the QUEEN of making offers!”
Laughing I said, “Yeah, that’s why I do it! I'm committed to sharing my work and believe that the best way to get better at making offers is to simply do it! If I don’t say a word then I’m a best kept secret and my whole MO is being OPEN FOR BUSINESS. I still sometimes feel totally weird about doing it though, and am working to overcome that narrative.”

Then I shared with Jared that sometimes I catch myself justifying why I’m doing what I’m doing by overselling and over explaining. In fact, I caught myself over-explaining my reasoning for hosting our workshop in a park.
And he cut me off and said, “DON’T SAY THAT! You end up sounding insecure. You do not need a reason or an excuse for coaching or teaching or doing anything for that matter, in a park or anywhere. Especially now with the pandemic.”
Me: “You are totally right! I just felt like these people don’t know me, they don’t know my background, and… You are totally right! If I was confident I would simply invite them to the workshop, tell them what it’s about, and give them the registration details. That’s it, it would be simple.”

Looking back on this conversation, it occurred to me that I was operating from insecurity. I was not convinced of my own offer and ability. I was doubting myself. I had also wrapped my insecurity and self-doubt in a bow of shame. Shame for how things had gone in the past, shame and judgment around who I thought I should be or how my work should look.
Shame that I no longer had access to some fancy establishment for hosting workshops, and shame for not already owning a home with a big beautiful backyard to host in. Shame that I am not where I would like to be.

And so I qualified, justified, explained, and oversold to compensate for my lack of belief. Belief that I was enough and belief that others would find value in my offer.
Sometimes it takes more than awareness to let limiting beliefs go.
When you are practiced at shifting from below the line to above the line, you can more easily see your mental drama and make a choice to drop it so that you can live in your power. 
That is what happened for me. I pivoted quickly.
Personal development is accumulative. When you slip back into your old limiting beliefs and sabotaging habits, you can also quickly bounce out of them.
Like riding a bike, the awareness, skill and habit is always there.

Where are you holding onto shame in your life?
How does shame show up in your being?
How does shame show up in the conversations you have with others and in the conversations you have with yourself? 

Take a moment to reflect on these questions and put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard. Write down your experience.
Breath deep while you do this work and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up.
Shower yourself with compassion, love, and the reminder that YOU ARE ENOUGH. You need not explain yourself. You have full permission to do what speaks to you. Trust that people want what you have to offer, they really do.